


The Light of Brand New Stars

by tsheps



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, No Strings Attached, Then there are strings, Zero-gravity sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-11-28 13:24:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11418858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsheps/pseuds/tsheps
Summary: Peebee came to Andromeda looking for something new, something never before done. Sometimes you get more than you bargained for...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been around in a while... a long while. Feels all sparkly here. Of course a hot, reckless asari and an even hotter, more reckless Mass Effect hero brought me back. Not really mature yet, but I promise to live up to the rating in future chapters! ;)

 

It wasn’t the most dignified moment of Peebee’s life. Trying to make herself blend into the background of the Hyperion, tucked nonchalantly between the biggest monitor she could find and some sort of large leafed foliage. Humans did have the strangest need to decorate with plants. At least it was coming in handy today.

She really shouldn’t have bothered, of course. If there was one word to describe Ryder, it was focused. Or determined. Yeah, determined was better. Maybe undaunted. That worked too. There was an asari word Peebee had always liked, it always translated to undaunted in those stupid little universal translators everyone in the Milky Way and now Heleus wore. It really meant something like ‘a woman who would stand tall in the face of a storm with a smile on her lips’.

That was Ryder. She would smile in the face of a storm. Then she would probably try to shoot it, but that was fine, too. In Heleus it was generally advisable to shoot into clouds, especially if they were made of teal smoke and hiding a mess of kett. And there was the little fact that a cloud in Heleus already killed her once on Habitat 7. So yeah. She would definitely smile at a storm.

Anyway, Ryder was focused on the door opposite Peebee. The one that led to SAM node and her father’s office and all that. She didn’t have to hide because Ryder didn’t even look her way, which was fine. It was fine. Really. She didn’t need to look into those chocolate brown eyes. Didn’t need to watch the way her thin lips twitched up in a smile that was half teasing, half pure happiness. She didn’t need to see the way Ryder ran a nervous hand through the sweep of bangs that hung so low they nearly covered one eye or ruffled the short auburn hair at the back of her neck. She didn’t need to see the way the white-pink scar that cut from above her left eyebrow down to the center of her olive-skinned cheek wrinkled when she spoke.

Nope. Peebee was totally cool with Ryder walking away. Not seeing her. Not strutting over with her square shoulders and purposeful march. Not watching her cross her arms across her chest, emphasizing the curves of her body underneath the orange and white hoodie. More importantly, she was totally not watching Ryder walk away. Not imagining the thick, muscular thighs under those pants or anything else to do with her pants and what was underneath them. Nope. Peebee was on a mission of her own and she didn’t care what Ryder was up to.

She shook herself and looked around. She actually _was_ on a mission and she needed to pay attention. She couldn’t let herself be distracted by an intensely sexy human woman right now. She…well, she was looking out for an intensely sexy human woman. Not Ryder with her short red hair and ready smile, though. She was waiting for Anna, and just like that evil human mythological spirit Peebee could never remember the name of, think her name and she appeared.

Anna stopped to talk to Captain Dunn and Peebee waited. Anna was a human female infiltrator who worked for Kandros most of the time, though she’d been known to farm herself out to the occasional rich benefactor who needed stealthy muscle. That was how they met, after all. Peebee shook thoughts of Kalinda out of her head and focused back on Anna across the lobby. She was shorter than Ryder, closer to Peebee’s height, and wore her raven black hair in a limp sort of bob around her face. Peebee had never seen her out of her preferred armor, smoke gray with the forest green collar of her undershirt draped over the neck.

Well, actually Peebee _had_ seen her out of her armor, just not in public. Anna had a rough exterior and she didn’t let people into her head, traits Peebee could certainly appreciate, but she was gentle at times that Kalinda wasn’t. They’d had a fling a while back which ended quietly when Peebee went to Eos to get away from the uprising and her obnoxious ex. Maybe it wasn’t that their fling ended quietly, maybe it was that the fling was never really a fling. Sex didn’t have to be anything more than sex, after all, and they respected each other’s boundaries enough to keep it that way. Still, Peebee thought again of Ryder’s muscular thighs and puckered scar, wouldn’t be a bad idea to check on the current state of things. She could do with letting off a little steam.

Anna finished her conversation with Captain Dunn and started down the stairs, hopping down them with a lightness to her step at odds with the packs of gear and antennas on her back. She spotted Peebee almost at once and headed over. Her smile wasn’t as warm and open as Ryder’s, but it was still genuine. It didn’t show her fangs the way Kalinda’s always did.

“Been a while, Peanut Butter. How ya been?”

Anna leaned her hip against the terminal Peebee’d used as cover. She didn’t have quite the same allure as Ryder, sure, but she knew how to get Peebee’s heart pumping.

“You know I hate that nickname.”

“No you don’t.”

“No,” Peebee smiled, thinking about how she told Vetra her full name was Peanut Butter. Anna was the first one who called it her that. “I don’t.”

“So what brings you back to the Nexus? Didn’t think I’d ever see you here again. Checked your apartment a couple times. You really should pick up some of your mess.”

“Don’t need it anymore.”

“No? Got a new place to crash?”

“You could say that.”

Anna wasn’t the type to press for details and she knew Peebee wouldn’t give them even if she did, so she let it go. “What brings you here today?”

“You.”

Anna’s smile flashed wickedly bright for a moment and Peebee almost wished she meant it the way Anna took it. “Really?”

“I hear you’re going on a mission for Kandros.”

The smile evaporated. “How’d you hear that?”

“I’ve got friends.”

“The Pathfinder.”

It wasn’t a question and Peebee couldn’t read the tone. She may have been annoyed or she may have been impressed. Humans were so hard to read sometimes.

“Something about chasing down the Archon’s obsession?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I was hoping you’d do me a favor.” She cocked her hip in that way that always drew Ryder’s eye to her bare midriff and was pleased to see Anna’s greedy eyes travel there as well. “For old times’ sake.”

Anna moved closer. “I’d rather do it for new times’ sake.”

Peebee giggled and waved a finger. “Keep your eyes open in that Remnant vault and we’ll see about that.”

Anna nodded as her eyes scanned every inch of Peebee. Mentally undressing her. Picturing the things they might do. The feeling wasn’t at all unpleasant, but it ended far too quickly as Anna’s eyes flicked over Peebee’s shoulder.

“Your boss is back.”

Peebee turned at the same moment Ryder did. Their eyes met and Ryder smiled lazily. The things that happened in Peebee’s body were neither lazy nor welcome. She didn’t want to feel that particular way when someone smiled at her. It hadn’t worked out well last time. Much easier to feel the baser instincts that Anna aroused.

Ryder touched her forehead in an ironic little salute to Peebee and headed off to the tram.

“I’ll message you the details.” Peebee said, her body already moving toward the tram station. “So you’ll know what I need.”

“Whatever you want, Peanut Butter.”    


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which more of Peebee's back story is revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peebee has the best back story of everyone, but it's still a little light by my standards. Kalinda's such a juicy character, you know there has to be more there.

Peebee knew she was in trouble even before she hit the ground with the Pathfinder beneath her. She should have stood up and started running again the minute she landed. Booked it across the stupid Eos sand and never looked back.  
  
She didn't, of course, and now here she was, curled up in the corner of a starship escape pod under a thin blanket and thinking about Ryder. Thinking about her eyes and her hair and her smile. Thinking about the way Ryder felt underneath her that day. Solid in her white and blue armor, but soft at the joints. Warmth radiating through her cyber gloves where they landed on Peebee's thighs. She could feel the heat through her leather pants and it was different from the normal Eos desert heat. It was the heat of a living person. A warm living person. It had been so long since Peebee felt anything like that.  
  
She'd spent so many hours, lying awake for days on end, trying to figure out when that warmth left Kalinda. Just thinking her name now had Peebee squirming in her nest, trying to find a comfortable spot. There wasn't much comfort to be had on a cold, rubberized floor and the metallic recycled air of the Tempest, but it was exponentially more comfortable than Kalinda's presence.  
  
Peebee told Ryder that Kalinda woke up a different person, but that wasn't exactly true. She was not the kind, caring asari Peebee had fallen for back in the Milky Way. The one who charmed Peebee with her wit and her intelligence and her drive back when they searched endlessly for new discoveries in a stale galaxy, but the change was evident before they woke up. In those sleepless, tearful nights, Peebee realized the change began before they went into cryo. It started when Kalinda found out about the Andromeda Initiative and sweet talked Peebee into going with her.  
  
"It'll be an adventure, babe," she said. "Everything will be new and ripe. Just waiting for you to discover it."  
  
It was after a boring evening of chit chat and champagne with the elite of the elite from all around the Milky Way. Kalinda was still wearing her floor length gown of shimmering silver with the neckline that plunged low and the back that plunged even lower. Peebee had barely been able to peel herself off the floor when she first saw it, and that was the point, of course. Not for Peebee's benefit but for her more distinguished guests.  
  
She'd chosen Peebee's outfit, too. A suit of royal purple with a feminine cut and a bright white shirt that hardly had any buttons. She was Kalinda's arm candy and she had to look the part, no matter how much the starched collar choked her and the leather loafers chafed. When Peebee objected, Kalinda pouted. Peebee was still in whatever is close enough to love to make you too stupid to see manipulation and she relented. She was the trophy, but that was okay because Kalinda loved her. She’d been so stupid.  
  
Of course she wasn't a trophy. She was a toy. Kalinda made that clear enough. After dragging Peebee around the party and making a few dozen sly comments to her friends about Peebee's 'talents', she disappeared into a back room with a few of her closest friends and a shadowy figure Peebee never got a good look at. When she came out hours later, Kalinda looked like she'd been run over by an elcor. When the party was over, she invited Peebee to Andromeda. Peebee would call it more manipulation, but it didn’t really take that much persuading. A new galaxy was exactly the sort of thing Peebee wanted.  
  
That was when it started. That night was the inception point. Everything that came after was simply a step toward Kalinda's ultimate objective. The thing about Kalinda was that she didn't care which of those steps were over people and which ones were on people. Peebee wasn't the only one she crushed, but Peebee was the one she ground into the dirt most thoroughly. As far as she could reason out, there wasn't much benefit to Kalinda in doing so. Hurting Peebee didn't get her closer to her objective, it was just fun.  
  
Kalinda wanted to rule Andromeda. Not be high society, like she had been in the Milky Way, but to be the queen. No longer just a member of the court, but the court itself. That ambition brought out a side of her Peebee had deftly ignored in their previous life. Here in Heleus, it was all that she was. Her callous disregard for others, or worse, the joy in hurting people, was on full display here. Not just physically hurting them, but in ways that don't show. Maybe it was the chaos creating a perfect vacuum for her plans or maybe it was just Kalinda deciding this was her big chance. Peebee became her favorite weapon. One she deployed with sadistic glee against her rivals.  
  
Peebee couldn't lay down any more. She scrambled to her feet and kicked the blanket further into the corner. Her thick, buckled boot skidded on a discarded piece of paper and she swore, kicking at it and not managing to move it an inch.  
  
"What's with the damn mess, Pelessaria?" She murmured to herself. "Why are you sleeping on the floor of an escape pod when you could be in a bunk with the rest of this sorry lot?"  
  
She knew the answer without having to think about it. Because of Rialla, of course.  
  
"Stop it. Stop it. Stop it."  
  
But she couldn't stop her brain. She never could. It was the best and worst thing about her. Today it wouldn't stop reminding her how Kalinda had used her. Sent her as a spy against her rivals. People who didn't even know they had stepped into the path of someone so vindictive. Peebee was her weapon. She sent Peebee to learn their weaknesses, their secrets, theirs fears, and their doubts. Anything that could be whispered across a pillow to someone you thought you could trust. And they all thought they could trust Peebee.  
  
She screwed up her eyes against the images in her mind, but they were only the clearer for it. Her complicity in Kalinda's dirty little game. Rialla had been the first, but there were many. Peebee could still see the tears of betrayal in her eyes when Kalinda played her ace on the well-connected asari. Kalinda had forced Peebee to stand there next to her when she leveled the blow and Rialla stared at her through watery eyes. That was the first time Peebee tried to run away. The scars from that day, both physical and mental, were still healing.  
  
The lock on the escape pod door started to spin. Ryder. It had to be Ryder. For whatever reason, it was one of those days when the door took forever to open. Peebee was glad of it because it gave her a chance to clear her mind. Pull the walls back around herself even though she was starting to suspect she didn't need them with Ryder.  
  
"Hey Peebee, got a minute to chat?"  
  
She may be hot as a sinkhole on Elaaden, but Ryder's timing sucked. Peebee started babbling about the data storage box. Most people backed away from her slowly when she did that. Good way to avoid questions, especially questions about her past. She’d overheard a few conversations Ryder had with the rest of the crew and she always asked about their past. Like Peebee wanted to talk about that.  
  
Then again, the best defense was a good offense. When she exhausted the subject of the rem-tech, she went straight into an evasive description of a log cabin. At least it was enough to distract Ryder from her discomfort. She hadn’t noticed Peebee’s crossed arms or the way she avoided Ryder’s eye. The annoyance in her voice. The distance.  
  
Once that subject was spent, they turned to the old standby: flirting. Usually that was fun, even though Peebee knew it didn't mean anything to Ryder, but not right now. Not when she was reliving all those things Kalinda made her feel when she forced Peebee to flirt and worse with her rivals. Not when she was feeling cheap, ashamed, and, worst of all, vulnerable. Not when she brought up the one thing Peebee couldn’t stop thinking about. The feel of Ryder underneath her when she’d tackled her on Eos. The thought made her shiver, which she had to pass off as an awkward shoulder shimmy in the middle of her flirting.  
  
It wasn't fair because she wanted to flirt with Ryder. Wanted to see if she could make Ryder blush. Humans and their amazingly responsive circulatory systems. She gritted her teeth and tried to smile, but wasn't sure she pulled it off. She brought it back around to needing rem-tech because it seemed like a good way to bring the conversation to a halt.  
  
"Rem-tech, huh? You got it."  
  
The door hissed shut and Peebee finally relaxed. She blew out a long breath and turned back to her workstation. The data core from Eos was sitting there, staring back at her. She stuck her tongue out at it and froze. She looked perfectly ridiculous, standing here with her tongue hanging out, eyes bulging as her eureka moment arrived.  
  
She actually squeaked a little "Eureka!" as she settled down to work at last.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ryder flirts and Peebee is reluctant to make friends...

The Havarl jungle was so impossibly thick that Peebee tripped on roots a dozen times before they were out of sight of the pathetic little science station where the Tempest landed. She swore under her breath in a mixture of High Thessian and the English she used in the human spaceports where she spent so much time in the Milky Way. Jaal wasn't close enough to hear, but Ryder's lips twitched suspiciously. 

"Go ahead and laugh, Ryder", she mumbled as she adjusted one of the straps on her left boot. "This whole mission's a joke."

That time she was quiet enough that the Pathfinder didn't hear, but Peebee almost wished she had. She needed to vent her frustration anyway. Her research had stalled. The moment of clarity she'd had about the data storage box turned out to be a bust. Anna managed to send her a packet of stuff, but none of it helped. It was mostly inert anyway. Either fried by the elements on whatever barren planet Anna's scrounged them from or zapped by the sticky grenades she loved to lob around. What worked was great, but it would take more. Much more. 

Much more than she could ever get in this steamy jungle full of nothing but challyrions and bioluminescent mushrooms. What were they even doing here? They should be on Voeld, getting the Moshae so they could access Aya's vault and grabbing the rem-tech she picked up on her scanner. She still hadn't worked out a way to slip off from the group and snag it. Ryder had taken her on every mission since the vault on Eos, which was flattering, sure, but also pretty inconvenient. 

"Navpoint up ahead." Ryder said, pulling the assault rifle off her back. 

Things actually got mildly interesting after that. Their destination was obviously remnant, so maybe Peebee could take a look around while Ryder was releasing the frozen angara. A pack of Roekaar defending the spot at least gave Peebee a chance to shoot something. That felt good. More importantly, it gave her a chance to watch Ryder kill things. 

She had a grace in battle that Peebee couldn't help but admire. The way she switched seamlessly between biotics and tech enhancements. The way she waited until the perfect moment to fire her jump jets horizontally to slide from one piece of cover to the next. Then blast off vertically and hover to snipe an enemy trying to hide. She was like a bird, the way she moved. So graceful. The whole thing was like a dance of death. And if that was how she moved out here in full armor, how she must move without that armor on. Peebee filed that thought away for their next chat on the Tempest and stowed her new Carnifex away. Blood swirled past her in the little creek that ran through the jungle. It was blue so it matched the color scheme of the jungle. It was actually kinda pretty.

Back to boring and annoying the minute the fight ended, of course. Instead of running inside so Peebee could look around, Ryder stopped near the entrance to pick up some weird looking plant samples for the bartender at Vortex. She huffed and walked away, distracted by the mushrooms. 

Ryder was always doing stupid little tasks for stupid little people. That's why they're here in the first place. Helping the weird guy with the bird feet and unpleasantly squishy looking skin, like a hanar with eyes. Ryder'll help him but she won't take Peebee to Voeld so she can get her rem-tech. First it was helping the grumpy angara woman recover her research data, now it was finding Andromeda equivalents of hops. When would it end? 

"Not falling asleep on me here are you?"

Peebee jumped at the feeling of Ryder so close behind her. "What?"

"Just seemed like I was boring you." Ryder motioned to the debris strewn corner where she'd found Peebee. "I know checking out dead leaves on an alien world technically classifies as the 'never been done', but I think I can do you one better.”

“What’d you have in mind?”

Ryder moved closer. Peebee was starting to notice that the purr she put in her voice was a sure way to reel the human in. “That fight didn’t get your motor running?”

“Killing things is fun. Discovering things is better.”

“Will I ever be able to compete with rem-tech?”

She was close now. Very close. Close enough for Peebee to smell the sweat on her skin and the musky scent that hung around her after she showered. Something you used in her hair maybe? Whatever it was, it was very human and it made Peebee’s mouth water.

“Find me some good stuff and I’ll let you know.”

Jaal coughed behind them and Ryder took a step back, her cheeks going a shade pink if the half-light on Havarl could be trusted. When she spoke again, it wasn’t in the gravelly, suggestive tone. Her voice was an octave higher and brimming with authority, but she still directed her words to Peebee.

“Ready to head into the monolith?"

"Just try and stop me," Peebee said, injecting as much cheer into the statement as she could. "Frozen angara here we come."

Ryder smiled. It was a crooked thing that was all smoke and mystery and made the scar pucker against the outside corner of her eye. Peebee let Jaal fall in directly behind Ryder and followed a minute later. It wasn't lost on her that Ryder would probably help get the rem-tech on Voeld if she asked, she just didn't want to ask. She was used to doing things on her own. Used to relying on herself so she didn't get squashed by someone she relied on ever again. It was more than that, though, and she knew it. She knew it while she rummaged around in a dusty remnant storage box while Ryder interfaced and freed the angara. She pretended she didn't know though, even when the angara shuffled off toward the science camp and Ryder took them in the opposite direction, deeper into the jungle with the vague assurance that she would check up on them later. 

Ryder was a lot like Peebee, actually. While Peebee was alone in yearning to discover everything there was to know about the remnant, the same passion for discovery was evident in everything Ryder did. Her obsession was Andromeda. Discovering everything about it. Shining a light in every little corner. Made sense. Pathfinder. Still, Peebee saw a kindred spirit in Ryder. Maybe it was all her time with the scientists studying protheans. Maybe it was a little bit of her dad in her. Maybe it was just the person Ryder was. Someone who craved discovery. Craved knowledge for knowledge’s sake. Someone like Peebee.

If Peebee wasn't careful, she would get scary close to building a friendship with Ryder and she couldn't have that. Sex they could have and maybe she should try that soon to clear her head, but not friendship. Friendship was annoying and vulnerable. It meant sharing. Sharing details about her life she didn't want to share. Sharing space and resources and, worst of all, sharing the glory when they made discoveries about the remnant. Nope. That wasn't gonna happen. No friendship and no sharing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peebee begins to suspect that she can trust Ryder to help her find remnant tech and a fair bit of flirting makes her suspect she can trust Ryder with other desires.

“Did you get my little packet of goodies?”

Anna’s face crackled and blipped in and out in holograph form. Peebee shook her arm, hoping to clean up her omnitool’s connection even though she knew it wouldn’t help.

“Sure did. Keep it coming.”

“What?” Anna said with a suggestive waggle of her eyebrows. “You aren’t going to thank me properly?”

“You’re goddess knows where a hundred thousand miles from here, what do you want me to do, get you off over my omnitool? I’m good, but I’m not that good.”

“I can barely remember,” Anna pouted and it was almost cute, but her smile wasn’t quite as compelling as Ryder’s. “You coming back to the Nexus soon?”

“I don’t know. It’s up to the Pathfinder.”

“Well, she seems to be awfully chummy with a reporter there. I’m sure she’ll pull into the station soon enough.”

Keri T’vessa. Peebee’s insides boiled at the thought of her. Anna was right, of course. She was pretty and Ryder was oh so complimentary of her story and oh so willing to zip back to the Nexus whenever she emailed. 

“Touched a nerve, huh, Peanut Butter?”

“What?”

“You look like you wanna shoot someone.”

“Nope. I’m fine.”

Anna’s chuckle came through the poor connection as crackling static. “You’re fine. Got it. I absolutely believe you. You definitely don’t have a thing for the Pathfinder.”

“What? I don’t.”

“Peanut Butter,” Anna said with a smile that may have been knowing and may have been sad, but it was impossible to tell through hologram. “You flew through dark space for six hundred years. You’d think you’d have learned how to let go of your past.”

“Can’t hear you. The connection must be…”

“The connection’s fine. Let Kalinda go.”

“I left her, remember?”

“Yeah, well, someone oughta tell you that.” Before Peebee had time to fake a dropped call, Anna continued, “Gotta go, Purple. Take care of yourself out there, okay? Sounds like you’re getting into some shit.”

“It’s not half as dangerous as what you’re doing. Where are you headed next?”

“Not next. Now.” The image jumped and shook. “Putting down at Firebase Icebreaker in twenty. Sounds like a paradise.”

“Voeld?”

“Nope. Some other frozen planet. Location’s classified.”

“While you’re there…”

Anna rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m always looking for your damn tech.”

“Thanks.” She softened her voice so it sounded a little less spoiled and a little less sarcastic. “Thanks, Anna.”

“Anything for you, Peanut Butter.”

She grinned and winked, then the connection blinked out. Peebee let herself smile for a minute, then turned to her terminal with a groan. She’d gritted her teeth through the whole conversation with Anna. Everything she’d sent was worthless. One piece of what looked like the shell of a breacher was still smoking when Peebee pulled it out of the crate. She couldn’t even repurpose the metal. Anna wasn’t going to be any help here. She needed Ryder if she wanted to get the good stuff. 

Peebee pulled up a new message and started typing. She kept it light. Airy. Just a friendly little note about how her scanner picked up the location of the rem-tech she needed on Voeld. 

“If we have a chance, can we go find it?” Peebee read the last line out loud. “That sounds okay.”

She smacked the send button before she could stop herself and groaned at the old fashioned swooping sound that accompanied every sent message. Ryder’d convinced Gil to install the sound effect on every terminal on the ship. Said it was a 20th century joke. Gil had installed it, so Peebee hadn’t found the off switch yet, but she would. 

For the millionth time, Peebee lamented that Anna couldn’t get her what she needed. She spun out of her stool and paced her escape pod. The problem was, Anna didn’t know what she was looking for. You tell a soldier, especially an infiltrator, that you need remnant parts and she sends you just that. Parts. Usually parts she blew off the ones she fights. It wasn’t her fault. She couldn’t get what Peebee needed because Peebee couldn’t tell her. She would ask questions and Peebee didn’t do questions. Except with Ryder for some reason. 

“You even told her part of the Kalinda story.” She growled low. “Just a tiny part, but still, not like you, Peebee.”

She talked to herself and paced, picking up her speed with each thought that whizzed through her head. She wasn’t honest with Ryder about Kalinda. Not really. Just a friend? Yeah right. That’s all Ryder was getting, though. Anything more would require trust. She definitely didn’t do trust. Except with Ryder apparently, she thought as she turned and saw her terminal blip with a notification that her message had been read. Why did she send that message? Why had she trusted Ryder with what she wanted?

The remnant, of course. She had to get that tech and she was stuck on this bucket with that infuriating woman, so she had to do something. She could admit one thing to herself at least. She needed the remnant. The discovery, the mystery, the escape. The remnant were all that and more. An obsession. She knew they were an obsession, but they were also her salvation. Her happiness. She would do anything she had to do.

“Who am I kidding?”

She flopped down on the dusty crate Anna’s sent and dropped her head into her hands. She wasn’t going to get the rem-tech. There was no way Ryder would take her to that site on Voeld. She should have kept her mouth shut and just slipped away after they landed. Sure, she’d probably freeze to death an hour after running away, but it was still her best shot. Ryder wouldn’t take her without questions. Even though they were headed there anyway, the planet was crawling with kett and remnant. It was a waste of resources and far too dangerous a mission to undertake. Who would fly to a barren ice world to help a stranger without asking a few questions? No one in their right mind.

“Peebee and Jaal,” Ryder’s voice in the overhead announcement crackled and fizzed almost as much as the connection to Anna. “Report to loadout. Planetfall in thirty.”

Crossing the bridge, Peebee saw that Kallo and Suvi were their usual work-work-work selves. Kallo was mumbling something about not being able to see through a storm, but Peebee didn't bother looking through the windows. She could already feel the cold through the Tempest's metal walls, she didn't need to see the snowstorm that buffeted the ship. Ryder seemed to be gripping the railing of the captain's deck awfully hard. Her biceps stood out like ripcords, straining against the tight fabric of her short sleeved shirt in Initiative blue and white. Peebee allowed herself a long look. At her arms, down her back to those powerful thighs and back up.

Ryder leaned forward slightly, trying to peer through the blizzard. The movement pulled the fabric even tighter across her back and broad shoulders. 

"Is there something wrong, Peebee?"

"Athame's tits!" 

Jaal's booming drawl in her ear made Peebee jump, slamming her shoulder hard into the loadout room door.

"Forgive me, Peebee. I did not intend to startle you. I just noticed you staring at Ryder and thought something might be wrong."

"Staring at..." Peebee peeked over her shoulder, but luck wasn't on her side. Ryder hadn't gone momentarily deaf. She was chuckling and shaking her head. "I don't know what you're talking about, Jaal."

"Ryder. You were staring at her." Jaal scrunched his brow ridge together in a look of unmistakable confusion. "Her backside seems to be of particular..."

Fortunately, Kallo was a terrible pilot and put them down on a snow drift at that exact moment. Unfortunately, the ship didn't go plummeting down the side of the mountain, but the jolt of the ship settling sent Jaal tumbling and Peebee leapt into the loadout room to hide.

She was checking the sights on her Carnifex when she felt Ryder behind her. Not her body exactly, but the heat of her skin. The smell of her hair. Peebee let it wrap around her like a cloud, closing her eyes when she felt Ryder lean even closer. The breath of her lips tickled Peebee's crest, she was so close when she spoke.

"So my backside is of particular interest to you, Peebee?"

Peebee knew from experience that feigning breathlessness when a human flirts with you makes them feel powerful. Makes them let their guard down. Makes them putty in your hands. She didn't have to fake it this time. Feeling Ryder this close made her weak at the knees.

"I said you didn't have to do much at all."

The smooth pads of Ryder's fingers slid along the bare skin at Peebee's midriff. "You also mentioned something about a little extra jolt. Maybe we could explore more of..."

The door hissed open and Ryder's hand disappeared from Peebee's skin. Its absence left behind an aching cold and Peebee nearly reached out to grab it back. She thought better of it at the sound Jaal's big bird feet stomping into the loadout. Her back was to the room, but since his steps didn't falter she had to assume he wasn't paying attention. 

"How cold is it out there, SAM|"

"Censors indicate below normal temperatures, Pathfinder."

"That's extremely helpful, thank you, SAM."

"You are welcome, Pathfinder."

"I was... Nevermind. Peebee, want to borrow some armor? You might be a little chilly in that outfit."

"I'll manage," she said, turning and crossing her arms over her already freezing stomach. "This is fine."

"If you're trying to show off," Ryder said in a low voice that didn't travel across the room to where Jaal was dropping everything made of metal onto the floor. "You don't have to. I'll still pay particular attention to your backside if you're wearing armor."

"I'm comfortable in this."

"Suit yourself." Ryder started grabbing her own armor from her locker, stepping into the compression suit before strapping the articulated pieces in place. She dropped to one knee, strapping her grieves in place as she asked, "So where's this rem-tech you need, Peebee? Do you have a navpoint?"

"Ryder, the Moshae..."

"We'll get her."

"We should go to the kett facility before anything else," Jaal said, cutting a look of pure venom across the room at Peebee. "Remember the task at hand."

"I have a lot of tasks, Jaal." Ryder stood and squared off against the angara. Anyone else would have looked ridiculous, trying to posture while half-dressed in bright yellow and blue armor. Ryder looked anything but, and Peebee went back to inspecting the pistol she had checked three times already. "They're all important to me. And I'm well aware of what to do with my hands."

Ryder shot Peebee a wink before turning back to her locker for the rest of her gear. Jaal scowled at the back of her head but didn't say anything else. He looked rather reluctant to stow his sniper rifle though. Great, now Peebee would have to play nice with him at some point to make up for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My debut novel drops in one week! An excerpt is available on the Bella Books website, check it out and reserve your copy today!  
> https://www.bellabooks.com/9781594935701e-prod.html  
> https://www.amazon.com/Visiting-Hours-Tagan-Shepard/dp/159493570X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501677529&sr=8-1&keywords=visiting+hours+book  
> https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/visiting-hours-tagan-shepard/1126540827?ean=9781594935701


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peebee wakes up from a recurring nightmare and the only person who could possibly calm her turbulent mind happens to walk in at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for the good stuff...

She woke up in a panic. She gasped for air, but her lungs didn’t remember how to expand. Her heart beat, but it was erratic, trying to find a rhythm after six hundred years dormant. Rough hands hauled her to a sitting position just as her eyes started to clear. She could feel the bite of fingers into her arms, leaving painful spots that would be bruises soon. She tried to scream, but her throat was useless.

“Rise and shine, Pelessaria,” Kalinda hissed in her ear. “No time to dawdle.”

“K… K…”

“Yes, it’s me darling. Get out of that pod or I will leave you behind.”

Her knees buckled beneath her, but Kalinda dragged her out of the dark pod into a dark room on a dark station. She whispered the truth of this little bit a thievery while Peebee struggled to walk and failed more often than not. When they got back to Kalinda’s apartment, she shoved Peebee under the bed and told her to be quiet or she’d be headed right back for her pod. 

Kalinda left and Peebee shivered herself awake on the floor under Kalinda’s bunk, trying not to scream as each muscle in her body thawed and cramped.

Welcome to Andromeda.

 

Peebee's skin was crawling. It felt like bugs had worked their way under her muscles and were eating her from the inside out. She couldn't sit. Couldn't relax. Not after that dream. Not after seeing Kalinda again on the Nexus. Seeing Kalinda in her apartment, no less. In Peebee's personal apace again. This is why she didn't like to be in one place too long. When she stayed in one place too long, people knew where to find her. 

She paced her room, swatting Poc's tentacles each time she passed. He needed more programming. He was like a curious kitten right now, reaching out to paw at her, trying to figure out what she was. Everyone was trying to figure out who she was. Lexi with her tests and her scans. The crew dropping by to chat and check up on her project no matter how many times she told them to get lost. Ryder smiling at her and making her forget that she didn't want to answer any questions. 

"Ugh! Why won't she leave me alone?"

That's really what was crawling under her skin. Not Kalinda. Ryder. Last time she stopped by to chat she'd flirted, as usual, but when Peebee flirted back with a coy little giggle, Ryder'd gone cold as Voeld. She'd gone from her purring voice to a blunt 'thanks for chatting' and bolted. And that'd only started her trouble. Peebee'd lost a shit ton of credits playing poker and she was pretty sure Gil thought she had a thing for Jaal because she overdid the whole apology thing. Complete disaster. Then there was the whole drunk in the Aya museum debacle. No more angaran hooch for her. Ryder got the full show on that one, too. Now Anna wasn't returning her messages. Something was wrong and she didn't know how to find out what. Everything was wrong.

"Damn it, Poc! Do something!"

All he managed was an indignant little flare of his armor plating and a weird shimmy in midair. Not helpful. 

"Come on, think! Think! I need... something!"

"Who are you talking to?"

"Ryder! Shit! You shouldn't sneak up on someone like that."

Great. Ryder catching her spazzing out again. Looking like she'd just come from the ship gym, too. That Blasto tank did not cover much, and the sports bra was a vivid reminder that nightmares about her abrupt thaw wasn't the only recurring dream she'd been having lately. Another long, pink scar ran from Ryder’s hip up to disappear beneath the shoulder strap of the bra. Peebee traced it with her eyes while Ryder was telling her to relax. Not likely with a half-dressed dreamboat standing in her room. 

Still, her nerves kept her mind from wandering in too many interesting directions. She couldn't seem to stand still. She felt like a shark. If she stopped moving, she would suffocate in this tin box of a spaceship. She itched for relief and nearly sobbed when SAM suggested ditching gravity in the escape pod. A zero G chamber. The perfect solution. Actually, it wasn't the perfect solution until Ryder stepped in with her.

The imaginary bugs under her skin suffocated the minute gravity hissed out. Thoughts of Kalinda went with them as Peebee floated up off her feet. She kicked off her boots and they hung in the air beside her. She wiggled her toes and giggled at the weightlessness of them. All those annoying thoughts had evaporated. Everyone was gone from her head. Gil and Jaal and Anna went the same was as Kalinda. The only one who stuck around…

“You know there’s something else that would relax me.”

Ryder smiled, showing the slightest flare of teeth behind those perfect lips. It was her turn to be coy. Her turn to tease. “What’s that?”

Peebee chuckled low in her throat, but that predatory gleam in Ryder’s eyes was unmistakable. She unbuckled her belt as she spoke, letting her coat drift open as she floated.

“That’s the spirit. Wanna fool around?”

She gave her usual line about no strings attached. The one she gave everyone when she knew her mark was past the point of no return and she didn’t want to have to answer their questions about Kalinda. The one that gave her the excuse to get up and bolt the minute it was over. 

Ryder froze. She drifted past and Peebee watched her eyes like chunks of solid granite. For a heartbeat, Peebee worried. She thought she saw words forming in Ryder’s mind. An insistence that she wanted strings. That she liked Peebee and wanted more. Peebee watched the struggle and wondered if Ryder was really the kind of woman to give up a chance like this for some ridiculous notion of a future together.

An instant later, fate intervened. Peebee’s bedroll brushed past her, pulling her loose jacket wide open. She’d given up on shirts sometime around her seventy-fifth birthday. Ryder got a full view of what Peebee had to offer with no strings, and she seemed to enjoy the view. She couldn’t tear her eyes away at the very least.

“That’ll be fun.”

Peebee pushed away from the wall, gliding through empty, weightless air toward Ryder. Ryder reached out to catch her, drawing her close with a firm hand around her waist. When Peebee would rush in for a kiss, Ryder dodged, dropping a kiss light as a bird’s wing on her neck. A tingle of anticipation ran through Peebee and they floated free for a long moment just like that, held close together in the embrace of space. 

Peebee reached for the waistband of Ryder’s pants, but again she deflected. In the same motion, Ryder slid the jacket off her shoulders. It floated inches from her back.

“Relax, Peebee.”

Then something miraculous happened. Peebee relaxed. It started at the patch of flesh at the base of her neck where Ryder pressed her warm lips again. She dropped her head back, inviting Ryder to kiss higher, and found that the muscles of her shoulders no longer bunched and twisted. Ryder’s fingertips slid from her shoulder down her arm and the fist she hadn’t known she was making fell open. Instead of kissing up her neck to her mouth, Ryder kissed down her collarbone toward her chest. When her lips, searing with a sort of otherworldly heat, travelled across flesh that had been too long hidden from anyone else and landed on Peebee’s breasts, all the other muscles in her body melted.

She groaned at first contact of Ryder’s tongue. “Goddess, did I need this. It’s been way too long.”

Ryder chuckled low in her throat. “I thought you said you do your best work solo.”

“Shut up, Ryder.” Peebee was finally allowed to get hold of Ryder’s clothes, and she took advantage by ripping her loose tank top up over her head. “I need your mouth to be doing other things.”

She got back to work and Peebee’s words cut off in a gasp. She didn’t stay long, however. While they talked, Ryder’d been busy with Peebee’s pants. Now they were hanging from her toes and Ryder was moving again, her lips moving across Peebee’s ribs and across the flat plane of her stomach.

“Going somewhere?” Peebee teased, steeling herself for what was coming next.

“I am the Pathfinder.” She replied between kisses. 

Peebee was going to make a sarcastic response about how it wasn’t new territory she was exploring, but before she could form the words, Ryder reached her destination and Peebee’s mind went utterly blank. Peebee sent up a silent prayer of thanks that all Ryder’s boasting and flirting was backed by undeniable skill. She buried her fingers in Ryder’s hair and was pleased and not a little surprised to earn an approving growl when she tightened her grip on Ryder’s scalp. The little show of possessiveness encouraged Ryder’s efforts and it wasn’t long before Peebee was panting on the edge of ecstasy. 

She held her breath and went to her private, quiet place in the stars, careful not to invite Ryder along for the ride even though her body screamed for her to meld. Every time she fell apart it was like this, only hearing the echoes of her own screams of pleasure in the infinite expanse she created as her safe haven. Feeling split in two, half her body at utter peace and the other half raging like a rowboat in a hurricane. 

Her body shuddered to rest and came back together. Ryder eased her down with gentle caresses. Her own body was rigid with desire. This was Peebee’s favorite part. That heartbeat moment when her lover was so full of need they could burst. The moment when the only thing in any universe that would satisfy them was Peebee’s touch. The longer lived species tended to handle their desire better, but humans, fragile and short lived as they were, squirmed with impatience at this point and made a fool of themselves.

Not Ryder. Of course not Ryder. She pulled herself back up Peebee’s body with hands stiff with self-control and shoulders tense as ever, but there was a nonchalance in her movements. A confidence that Peebee should have anticipated. Part of her wondered how Ryder would react if she stopped things right now and left Ryder unfulfilled. She’d probably just saunter away like always. 

Maybe something in that indecision showed in Peebee’s eyes. When they were face to face again, Ryder stared at her so hard it made Peebee’s eyes water. Slowly, ever so agonizingly slowly she bent her face toward Peebee. They hadn’t kissed yet. The revelation knocked the wind out of Peebee. She’d tried to kiss Ryder, but Ryder had dodged. Now here she was, her lips pouting and bright red from satisfying Peebee, ready to kiss. 

Peebee always thought kissing was her specialty. She didn’t like to brag, of course, but she was awfully good at kissing, even by asari standards which were obviously very high. Only the best kisser in the galaxy could lure in all the targets she’d been sent after without a single miss. 

She was utterly and completely wrong. Ryder’s lips touched hers and she was back in her quiet corner of the stars. Her lips were perfect, soft and warm and not too insistent. Her tongue was gentle and confident. Without meaning to do it, Peebee wrapped a hand around the back of Ryder’s neck to keep her close. Little white lights popped behind her closed eyelids and Peebee ignored the need for oxygen. This kiss could last until the stars fell out of the sky and all the planets stopped rotating and it still wouldn’t be long enough. 

Peebee struggled for breath when Ryde broke the kiss, and her eyes opened reluctantly. Ryder was smiling that confident half-grin that she loved so much and Peebee knew she was in desperate trouble. She could fall for that grin. She could fall for those smoldering eyes. She could fall for those lips and those shoulders and that body. Maybe she already had, but she could pretend for a little while longer at least that this was still a thing without strings. She reached for Ryder’s waistband again and this time Ryder didn’t stop her.

“Oh this is gonna be fun,” she said as her hand slipped out of sight.

**Author's Note:**

> More to come soon! As a side note, my first original work is being published next month! If you're interested in a lesbian romance novel with a masculine-of-center, adult gamer love interest who wears an N7 hoodie on the first date- check it out! 
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/Visiting-Hours-Tagan-Shepard/dp/159493570X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499344093&sr=8-1&keywords=tagan+shepard 
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/tagan.shepard.5


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